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Gummy Cheese Bear Kreyling-Dietz
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| tired...very. |
[May. 2nd, 2005|02:54 pm] |
| [ | We're Feeling |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | Song Of The Moment |
| | San Fransisco - ALkaline Trio | ] |
today was good only becaues of what a good mood i was in today, otherwise, i twould have been a really annoying day.
in the lobby i walked around with Jackie some. lately the lobby has been kinda pointless to me. no one really talks to me anymore, adn everyone is usually in a bad mood...so whatever. walking around with Jackie and Kaitlyn is fun.
in history we bought Dum-Dums and took notes. not really a bad time. in math we took notes, for once in her life, Morgan asked how my weekend was (AMAZING) adn then she persisted to tell me that i need to dye and straighten my hair again because i don't look good now...i don't know if she notices that that hurts my feelings. i guess that's just how she is...anyway, in Foods we watched a video on the evils of supermarkets, adn Eric wasn't there so that sucked a lot because he's amusing.
at lunch i wrote my writing assignment which i would have completely forgotten if Becker hadn't reminded me this morning...THANKS BECKER!! so i got that done and i did pretty bad on it, but whatever.
in english we got back writing assignments, turned in the new ones and read more of The Color Of Water. i wish we didn't have to read it with the tape, we skip sooo much. i might just get the book to read it away from class because it drives me crazy that we skip whole pages. uuuugh. in gym there was no Stephanie Visco, and Fallon seemed unhappy...
before i go on about my day, let me just say that from now on, i'm going to completely ignore when most of my friends are unhappy. the only one i'll awknowledge is Jon...and that's only because no one wants my help. so Alexis, Kelli, Fallon, and any of my other friends who i love dearly but occasionally get depressed, i can't deal with it anymore. i know you don't care or anything, but don't think that i don't care about you anymore - because i do, i just don't know what to do and i'm tired of trying to make you feel better.
...but Beth was in a good mood, and Ashley showed up. Fallon and Beth ran and playued frisbee, while Ashley and i didn't run laps or do anything, until Chenger yelled at us and made us walk around the track. we made fun of Chenger, Freshman and talked about her boyfriend some. it was a good class even thought it was chilly outside. oooh well. in earth and space we just went over the homework i didn't do. *shrugs* in Japanese Gitzell-Sensei talked about this new lesson, it seemed like she thought we already knew it thouhg. whatever, on Wendsday we're getting food...adn next wendsday is her last day. Awesome.
haha before i got onto my bus i went out to talk to Jackie, Missy and whoever else was there (ecause the lobby is boring in the noontime too) and Missy was talking about how she and Colin are going to have little JEW BABIES!!! hahah just kidding, but it was funny.
now i'm home. i feel a little bit sad because of something i read, but what can i do about that? nothing. oooooh well.
styill in a good mood, but i'm really tired.
and if anyone wants to teach me Algebra by May 10...i'll love you forever. |
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| 20 Notes |
[May. 1st, 2005|07:29 pm] |
| [ | We're Feeling |
| |  cheerful | ] |
My friend Kelly did this on her OpenDiary. i thought it was a really nice idea.
you have to write 20 notes about people you care about, but you're not allowed to tell them who they are.
if youdo figure out who you are, don't be offened if you think that you should be higher on the list, it's really just whoever came to mind first.
1 - you are my best friend and basically my other half. yeah, i think that gave it away. i need you a lot and i know that my life feels stupid and wierd without you. i'm sorry that i always doubt you wanting to hang out with me, and i'm sorry that i can be a huge bitch sometimes, but i know you'll still care about me anyway. i love you and i'll never leave you again.
2 - you are the greatest girl that i know. you're my other best friend (gave that away too) and i love you soooo much. it sucks so bad that we don't see eachotehr much anymore, but hey, atleast i'm not like the other friends you had that just stopped talking to you after redistricting. hehe. i really hope you're having a wonderful birthday!
3 - i feel like you and i have drifted. it just seems like you're always so sad and i don't know what to do about it anymore. i know that i'm not the best friend in the world, but i really do care about you even though we have drifted so much. you're still madly awesome and i wish we were like the way we used to be.
4 - what do i say about you?! you're awesome and all that jazz, but sometimes you annoy the hell out of me. i don't think i knew you as good last year, and in a way, i'm happy and a little sad i know you better (if i do) now. happy because we're alike in a bunch of ways, but sad because now i think things differently about you. nothing bad, just differently. you're a great person and i do care about you a lot even though sometimes i may scream or rant or tell differently.
5 - i have known you since seventh grade, adn i know you're not reading this. i lvoe you to death and i'm sooooo happy we're still friends. i could never not love you. you're a great person and we always have something great or interesting to talk about. it rocks so hard at lunch with you, because you make it so much fun, last year too. i know sometimes i can be mean, or annoying to you...but i really think you're great adn i admire you for how down to earth and sound you are.
6 - i hated you last year. to be quite honest, i don't even know why. i was kinda peeved that you were in two of my classes in the beginning of this year, but i started talking to you...adn you're just really cool. amazing actually. you're so pretty and so funny and i wish i could be more like you. i really wish that you could be really happy all the time, but no one is, huh? i'm glad you're in my classes now, and i don't hate uou anymore, i love you.
7 - last year you rocked so much. you were a great friend of mine who i saw all the time and i always had a great time with you. we had our tiffs and whatnot, but we always fixed things. over the summmer i saw a change in you though. i don't know what suddenly did it, but you were so unhappy. i don't know how to make you feel better anymore and i really wish i knew what to do. lately i find that it's easier to just ignore you when you're upset, even though i don't want to...but you get really mad at me or start crying when i try to make you feel better. i hope you start getting happier though. i'm really proud of the things that you over come and do.
8 - i on't get my daily dose of you anymore. it sucks. you're a really awesome person. i never in a million years thought that we would be friends, but i'm really glad i kept talking to you until we were. i miss not seeing you during the day so much, and not hanging out as much as i'd like, but i still think of you as a really good friend of mine. i <3 you sooo much.
9 - i guess there's a lot to say about you. not all good, but not all bad. you used to make me really happy. like...unbeliveablely happy...but you didn't think you did and i'm sorry that i never really told you how much you meant to me. really though, i loved you. whether or not you loved me or not, i don't know. you make me really sad now, though. whenever i'm around you i just feel like you don't want me there. it's wierd. i still care about you and all, but i'm also still really angry with you...you hurt me really bad and it seems like you don't care at all. i'll give you the benifit of the doubt though, i'll just think that you do all this mean stuff to me without realizing it, although, it would be just grand if you didn't think about yourself all the time.
10 - i met you last year, but i didn't really know you that well. this year we met again in band and lunch and stuff and i find you awesome. you are a great hippie/mother (gave it away)! i'm glad we're friends now because i didn't think that you liked me too much last year, and i'm pretty sure you like me now...
11 - you rock my socks off darling. last year we became friends, adn i discovered what a horney slut you are (gave it away!) i'm pretty sure we've gotten closer this year due to certain circumstances, and i really feel that i connected with you earlier this year. it was great. lately it seems like we've been drifting though, because most of the talks we've had and stuff have been after school and whatnot, plus in gym you actually do stuff. haha. i'm really happy that we're friends, adn i hope we get to connect again and whatnot. you're one of the coolest sluts i know.
12 - haha i really didn't like you in middle school, i thought you were making fun of me once, but then last year i met you and i realized how wrong i was about you! you're one of the nicest most caring people i knonw! you amaze me with your ability to always be really nice and happy to everyone because that's such a hard thing to do. i'm glad i'm your friend because i feel like being your friend means that atleast one person will be there for me, whether or not you want to be...hehe.
13 - duuuuuuuuuuuuuude you are awesoem! last year at Japanese Club i was always kinda scared to talk to you, because i didn't think you'dlike me...but i see differently now. i'm really glad we got to know eachother on the New York trip and i think that you are awesomely cool and i'm so glad i know you. psssh. if Dokta Watzon doesn't let you take Japanese next year, we should hit him with a fish.
14 - a lot of the stuff from the person above me is the same for you too. i was extra afraid to talk to youy this year, but i really don't know why. i guess it's because you are so different from a lot of the people i know, but at the same time, you're a lot like everyone. you're awesome, and i hope you're in my room agian for next years New York trip, because you're going on it whether or not you take Jap. next year (SAME FOR ABOVE!!!) if you wnat, i'll stop selling my body to the night for you.
15 - honestly, you're awesome. i love you. you're great. i'm really glad we were such hgood friends last year and i'm glad i could be there when that scum bag dumped you. you got, and deserve better. of course, in getting the better, it seems like you've forgotten about me. not only me, but most of your firneds. i hope that things continue going well with you and him, but i also hope that you remember that i love you and i miss you.
16 - darling you are my freshman! i <3 you and i'm glad that i met you. Indy is going to kick ass, as is Color Guard when it starts again. you're an awesome person even though you live in the ghetto (hahahahah). i'm glad we're friends and i'll be here for you if ever you need me.
17 - i just met you recently. of course, i knew who you were before hand. you're a really cool, sexy, amazing, nice girl. i hope i get to know you better eventually, because we seem to have stuff in common so that's pretty awesome. just though i'd let you know that you're great.
18 - !!!!I LOVE YOU!!!!! you are one very cool guard pastry...even though we have a lot of different opinions on a lot of different stuff, you are still an amazingly cool person. you're so funny and so pretty and so smart and you make guard so much fun! haha in the beginning of last year i didn't like you, and you were afraid of me, but damn that photo class for making me see how cool you are!
19 - i met you for a small time at someones party, and i didn't think you'd like me...since you were friends with a bunch of people that didn't like me. i'm really glad that you didn't listen to anything (if anything) that they may have said about me, adn i'm really glad that i got over my steriotype of you. you're great. i'm sure everything is goign to go well for you, adn you always give me really good advice on my OpenDiary. thanks so much for being my friend.
20 - i'm glad i met you this year, madam. i'm also glad that i didn't listen to what other firnds of mine said about you, or judge you on your ScaryKid (boyfriend). you make gym class extra awesome whenever you come. too bad you haven't let me borrow that movie yet, haha. you're really cool, and it seems like we have a lot in common, which is even cooler. silly senior, you should come back nexy year for the hell of it. |
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| ^_________^ |
[May. 1st, 2005|01:41 pm] |
| [ | We're Feeling |
| |  happy | ] |
| [ | Song Of The Moment |
| | Queen of Pain - Alkaline Trio | ] |
lesse...i left off after Kelli and i got home and whatnot...hmm. then my mom came home and she drove us up to Lonnie's and we got tehre around 7 and we met a bunch of her friends, the only ones i can really remember were Jack and Tasha, and they were cool. haha Evan's car broke down, so Lonnie was late for her surprise party, but when she walked in we all screamed "SCHALOOME!" and she got really red and it was awesome. she opened her presants, and then we ate and then we went downstairs to watch Moulin Rouge. it has been way too long since the last time i saw that movie <3 haha. Jack, Lonnie, Kelli and i knew every word to every song, so we sang at the top pf our lungs. it was great. we ate seom cake. yum. then people started leaveing, and some people stayed the night. we started watching Finding Neverland, but it was boring...so i fell asleep.
we woke up in the morning and i showered and ate and everyone else left and then Katya, Kelli, Lonnie and i went to D-Tizzle 'cause Lonnie was gonna get her hair did. heh Kelli and i got dropped off with Lonnie and her mom took Katya home. lalala we just sat there for a hour waiting to Lonnie's hair to be done, and then we went over to the Nice Chinese Restaraunt and ate some General Tso's Chicken. Y U M ! after eating, we went over to Eckard to get her friend a birthday card. then we were sitting in Lonnie's car waiting for her dad to come and we were talking and Kelli told Lonnie's mom that she "consumes large amounts of alchol" HAHAHHA. she meant to say medication...but it was really funny. then her dad came and we went back to Lonnie's house for a few minutes where we got fruit by the foot and i changed into pants and whatnot. then we wnent to one of Lonnie's friends birthday parties. it was okay. we hung out with Jack so that was cool. hahaha Jack doesn't speak the little kids height...hahahaha. yeah. Lonnie and i wrote on Kelli's pants (HER ASS IS TICKELISH TOO!!!) and then Kelli and i wrote on Lonnie's pants. then we sang t oWicked for a little while adn then we left...
XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD
we got the to Chamelion Club around ssix and we got in line adn we sat down for a little while and then stood up because the line was condencing. we got a free sticker that says Alkaline Trio with the word Crimson written in red on it. we sang Wicked, RENT, and I'm A Little Tea Pot to help pass the time. we saw the Sexy Scalper...he was hot. hmmm...then tehe guy was like "ANYONE UNDER 21 GET TO TYHE LEFT!!" and like 80% of the line moved. haha. then we got inside. *happy face* we were pretty fucking close to the stage. OH GOD YES. the opening band sucked. they were called Kalosal and i didn't like them at all. thankfully, they didn't stay for too long. while the next act was setting up, oi looked over at Lonnie and behind her i saw the most beautiful person ever. i called him Mr. Beautiful for the rest of the night. like oh god i have never seen someone as attractive as he was...he was perfect. MOVING ON! the next person that played was named Mike, the Asian Man. he was amazing. he played an accoustic guitar and he had a video for us to watch. it was about racism and stuff like that. he's an activist against war (www.PleaForPeace.com <--- GO THERE!) and he's just amazing. i <3ed him. he played a few songs with Kalosal (booo) and then he was done. we were all kinda of getting a little bit impatiant with the drunk punk chick behind us who was pretty obnoxious, and my feet hurt, and i was really anxious for Alkaline Trio to come on and i got pissed off becayse some other really hot guy blocked my view of Mr. Beautiful...
But then the lights went out.
everyone basically ran toward the stage. everyone was so excited. the lights were out for a while. some Punk/Emo chicks behind Kelli made a pact with her that if they saw any of us fall during the mosh pit or whatever then they would help us. that was nice...
The they came. it was so amazing. i am in love with Matt Skiba. he has the most beautiful smile. it was so fucking amazing. he's really skinny. adn i love the way that for their shows, they always wear all black. he was wearing a black dress shirt witha black tie with an upsidedown cross on it...he's amazing. i fucking love him. ....*squeals* they started plauing and i got pushed, but someone stepped on my shoe...so it fell off. i had to go find it, a bunch of people stepped on my foot, but it didn't hurt (and if it did, i was not feeling any pain at all) so then i got pushed really hard over near where Kelli was and guess who i got pushed into? That's right, Mr. Beautiful. YESS! he's hot. then some other hot guy ended up on top of me...but then the crowd shifted, and since i was holding onto Kelli (who was playing bouncer) i stayed on top on Mr. Beautiful, but this fat kid landed on top of me and wouldn't move, so i was completely smushed against Mr. Beautiful and this other guy. atleast he didn't smell bad. they played A LOT of their old stuff...so i sang every word to every song. it was so great. they played a fe new songs, and they sounded really good so i can't wait to get teh new CD on May 24. it was all around a great night. i've never been happier in my entire life. ever.
Songs they played (in no particualar order): Emma, Clavicle, Jaked On Green Beers, Warbrain, My Friend Peter, Radio,This Could Be Love, All On Black, Private Eye, You're Dead, Crawl, and then their encore was a new song, and Sorry About That....AFUCKINMAZING!!!
we waited a while when everyone was leaving, adn then Lonnie's dad got there, and we were leaving and saw the place where they were selling stuff, so i got a Logo Teeshirt and it has the heart and skull on the front, and says ALKALINE TRIO on the back, i got two CD's that i didn't have yet, it's just stuff that Matt, Dan and their old drummer, Mike, did solo. i got a sticker pack...adn yeah. wonderful. and i told Mr. Beautiful that i loved him...but he didn't hear me. Boo. we went home and listened to the CD of Mike and Dan and Kelli left and we went to bed.
i woke up and i kinda thought it ws a dream, but it wasn't...so yay. i ate and got dressed adn then Lonnie's mom drove me home and here i am. i think i'm gonna take a shower now and then wait for my mom and dad to come home (don't know where anyone is) and then i'll call Tom to see if we're still hanging out today or not.
byeeeebyeeee!1! |
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| First One I Ever Heard. |
[Apr. 29th, 2005|04:52 pm] |
This is the FIRST Alkaline Trio song i ever heard.
Clavicle - Alkaline Trio
Been on top of the world since about six months ago
Marking the first time I laid eyes on you
I lost all train of thought as I entered the room
Saw what looked like really good food then I saw you
And so did you
I want to wake up naked next to you
Kissing the curve in your clavicle
Kissing your clavicle
Been on top of the world since about 1 week ago
Marking a time when I was drunk enough to talk to you
I lost all train of thought as your eyes met mine
Told you I thought you were gorgeous
You gave me your phone number, I gave you mine
Before you left I said that you can bet
I'll be bothering you soon
You said "No bother, please do"
I've called you twice
It's been a hellish fight
To not think about you all the time
Sitting around waiting for your call
I want to wake up naked next to you
Kissing the curve in your clavicle
Kissing your clavicle
I want to wake up naked next to you
Kissing the curve in your clavicle |
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| ^_____________________^ |
[Apr. 29th, 2005|04:37 pm] |
so today was okay at some times and bad at other. i had oodles of mood swings and at lunch i was pretty pissed at everyone. whatever.
after school i went to the mall with Caroline and Kelli. that was nice, i haven't spent time with Care i na while. Kelli's here now....YAAAY!
XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD
we're leaving for Lonnie's party soon...
AND TOMORROW WE'RE SEEING ALKALINE TRIO!!!! BITCH YES!!!!
then i'm comming home Sunday and hopefully hanging out with Tom...
BUT OH GODS I AM SEEING ALKALINE TRIO TOMORROW NIGHT AT EIGHT O'CLOCK!!! |
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| Hello. |
[Apr. 28th, 2005|02:56 pm] |
| [ | We're Feeling |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | Song Of The Moment |
| | my immortal - evanescance | ] |
today was my first good day of the week so far. yay. last night i started feeling better...dunno why.
today at thrid period the whole tenth grade went to the auditorium adn we were introducked to many Holocaust survivors. i sat with Fallon, Pie, Monica and Beth. <3 that was fun, they're all great people. after the people talked, i went over to the library to see my homerooms speaker. ^_^ i got the lady i hoped i would get. she was so cute. she went to eight different Concentration Camps and lost five brothers, her parents, and three sisters. it was sad. she talked for maybe fifty minutes which caused me to miss my lunch, which sucks, because i was pretty hungary.
i went to sixth lunch. that was nice. i sat with Fallon, Jackie, and some other people. i saw Olivia. she's awesome. i also saw Brendan and Alexis...lotsa other people too...just don't remember. i had a nice time. the only bad part was that i talked to Eric, and he said that i missed eating yummy cookies in Foods...that's okay though.
in gym we walked around the track, adn then we played catch. haha Mrs. Tedi tried yellign at Fallon to take off her fishnets, but she wouldn't. swell. haha...OH! Miss Stephanie Visco, Fallon and i are sooo going to have a movie marathon type thing and we're gonnna watch Rocky Horror Picture Show adn Mulan and MulanII (maybe). it'll be fun. in Earth and Space i sat with Kate, Leslie and Dom and we worked on our Greenhouse Effect projects... ^_____________^ in Japanese we went through our plays. i was soooo nervous!! i think we did good though, for being in the classroom. twas fun indeed. ^_^
now i'm home.
tomorrow i'm going to wthe mall with Care and Kelli, and later going to Alondra's SURPRISE birthday party. XD XD that's going to be aweseom and i soooo cannot wait!
SATURDAY I AM SEEING ALKALINE TRIO!!! OH MY GOODNESS I MAY JUST DIE!!!!
and on Sunday i'm going to attept at going to Tom's again. yaay. haha randomly last night he told me that he was a good cook or whatever, so he's gonna make cookies or something for me...and we're ahving a tickle fight 'cause i challenged him. OH OH BITCHES!
bye kids! |
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| you're a bitter stranger. |
[Apr. 27th, 2005|05:40 pm] |
| [ | We're Feeling |
| |  crushed | ] |
i don't even see the point in writing about my day anymore. nithing interesting ever happens.
today at lunch we got Talia to pop a mint in her eye. we almost got Tom to do it, but he wouldn't. on the last day of school, we're paying Brad $20 and he's going to do both of his eyes. cool.
Japanese was fun. we were working on or roll plays, but really we just ended up talking and Joe and i made up names. cool.
the whole day was just stupid. i was kinda lookin' up 'cause i thought that i'd have fun at D&D...*rolls eys* not so much. if they ever play at school agian, i';m just not going. i cried. i don't know...i've just been really depressed lately and i haven't cried in a while, so like...i just was feelin' kinda down and then James like...i don't know. he has the ability to make anyone feel REALLY shitty. and then like...he and Will were trying to get me to try and heal a dragon (i'm a rouge, i have no healing powers) and they we re like "you can do it! don't listen to Scott!" adn i really didn't think they'd leave me alone until i did it, so i just gave in and ended up failing (what else is new) and then...i don't know. every single thing that has been bothering me lately just came to mind and they were all laughing at me and having a great time making me feel worse then i already did, so i cried. thanks guys, really.
so thank gods that i started crying pretty close to 5, and i didn't start sobbing or anything...so i just kinad curled up on the computer and stopped. Martha came over and gave me a hug, then a doughnut. yummy. and then i left.
so i'm not feeling good now. i still have this terrible feeling that i didn't want. i don't know if i'm goign to play D&D anymore...i'm not good at it. i don't serve a purpose.
*shrugs*
bye |
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| i can't believe this is goodbye... |
[Apr. 26th, 2005|06:14 pm] |
| [ | We're Feeling |
| |  apathetic | ] |
| [ | Song Of The Moment |
| | Goodbye Love - RENT | ] |
i haven't written an entry with any real substance in a while...okay, two days. whatever though. it's wierd the way i've been feeling lately. since thursday mayeb. somewhat distressed. i've been listening to a lot of RENT and Cursive. some Bright Eyes. some Alkaline Trio.
i don't know what it is, but i just can't get myself excited for the concert. *sigh* the concert doesn't matter. seeing Wicked doesn't matter...
nothing matters, but knowing nothing matters.
it's wierd the way i say Wicked doesn't matter, and then i quote it...
please don't go away.
anyway...what is there for me to write about. every day i go to school and realize that...i don't particularally like a good amount of the people i know. i look at them and get angry. really angry. why should i blame other people for the way i'm feeling. that's stupid.
i'm stupid.
i keep trying to convince myself...
brainwashing your ownself is difficult. half of you wants to believe one thing, where the other half wants to belive something else.
Diane Arbus takes haunting pictures, really. when i saw them, i didn't like them...adn i still don't...but i gotta give her credit because i'm still thinking of a few of them and feeling scared, or sad, or something of that feeling emotion. Diane Arbus didn't take happy photographs. she took sad or wierd pictures because she was rasied rich and felt like she hadn't gotten enough poverty in her life, so she took pictues of people from Brooklyn, transvestites, dominatrixes, mentally handicapped people...not good stuff really. haunting though...very haunting.
she killed herself in 1971.
suicide. pff. who needs it.
if you think about it a little bit, it seems okay, to the person thinking about it JUST a little bit...but if you think about it a lot, you start remembering people that you do like, and the family members that you do like, and just other things and it doesn't seem so worth it anymore.
it's not worth it.
incase you haven't noticed, this isin't a normal entry. this is just stuff that i think about. random things that pass through my mind...
i love RENT. i really do. i don't understand why people won't listen to musicals just because they think they're fruity. they're not. RENT is so powerful. i love it. i want to see it in New York someday...
god i'm fucking stupid. fucking worthless. i should fucking die. i'm such an idiot. worthless.
i'm tierd of being alone. i really, really am. like, for a while, i was somewhat indifferent to that whole...boyfriend thing for a while. it was somewhat pleasant, but then the aftermath just sucks. sucked the life out of me...whatever though. i guess it was just necause i finnally realized just how worthless i actully was...like...i knew it before..but then..with James and the Eckman and ouch and pain and crying and I'M SUCH A WORTHLESS PERSON. yeah. that still kinda bothers me sometimes. when i smell certain things, or when i hear certain lyrics, watch certain movies...just reminds me.
it's pretty goddamn unpleasant. i don't even know if i really even like Tom. i'm just so tired of being alone. i'm tired of everyone asking when i'm getting back together with James...NOT GONNA HAPPEN. remember kids, he broke up with me...i mean, really, i don't know how you couldn't tell.
maybe the Tom thing is just a lesser version of the Bill thing. i'm not pretty enough to have a guy like Tom anyway. i mean, he's not the most attractive guy ever, but he knows prettier people...*shrugs*
"Mimi still loves Roger...
Is Roger really jealous
Or afraid that Mimi's weak?"
i fucked up. i always fuck up.
my aunt and i snuck into the place in New York and we went into the bar and she thought the wall was really pretty (actually, it was quite beautiful) and she took this poicture and i was looking for pictures to put in her eand have some kind of meaning, and telaly, this picture has no real meaning...i just think it's pretty. |
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| mucho masterbation! |
[Apr. 26th, 2005|03:00 pm] |
| [ | We're Feeling |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | Song Of The Moment |
| | blue in the face - Alkaline Trio. | ] |
same entry as yesterday basically...except the D&D part.
i talked to Tom last night and after school today about two completely different things, but in a way, kinda the same...
but i still don't know what i'm goign to do.
that's my entry. i think i need a nap. i need to sleep.
it's funny, becayse when i'm falling asleep i don't want to sleep, because it's relly not needed adn dreams...are the devil. once i get to sleep though...i never want to wake up.
i need a nap.
i really can't stand people anymore. not all people, just some of them. i'm tired of peoples bullshit lies. alll of them. i don't kow what i'm doing.
i'm lost.
i don't know if i want your help.
"your" being everyone reading this.
i don't know who reads this...
whatever.
bye...i guess.
three more days until i have nothing to live for. lookin' forward to that. |
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| what's with TODAY today? |
[Apr. 25th, 2005|09:58 pm] |
| [ | We're Feeling |
| |  weird | ] |
today was just one of those days where i was not in a good mood.
the whole day sucked. some parts more than others. i was really depressed, so i skipped Japanese and took a nap in the nurses office.
the whole day i kinda felt like i hat cut off my right arm...
or right side of my body.
i'm such an idiot.
after school i went to James' with Fallon and Scott. we played D&D until like 5:30 until Scott left. Fallon and i stayed until like 7:45 when my dad remembered to pick me up.
it was fun, i'm still kinda afriad of James' mom.
i still kinda feel wierd when i'm around James sometimes.
i assume that will fade more with time...
i just wrote my earth and space paper, but it' not printing.
i wish it would.
oh yeah, if James remembers (which he better) i'm gonna put his hair up in a ponytail with a yellow ribbon tomorrow. haha attractive.
HAROLD IS GOD.
I LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE PRINT MY PROJECTS FOR ME.
LOVE TO HAROLD FOREVER. |
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| Wonderful Song. |
[Apr. 24th, 2005|10:48 pm] |
| [ | We're Feeling |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | Song Of The Moment |
| | goodbye love - RENT | ] |
This is a song from RENT called "Goodbye Love". i really love this sonfg and i've been listening to it over and over for a while now. i think it fits with the chaos of the..."transition".
Mimi:
It's true you sold your guitar,
And bought a car?
Roger:
It's true - I'm leaving now for Santa Fe.
It's true you're with this yuppie scum?
Benny:
You said you'd never speak to him again...
Mimi:
Not now
Maureen:
Who said you that you have any say in who she says things to at all?
Roger:
Yeah!
Joanne:
Who said that you should stick your nose in other people's...
Maureen:
Who said I was talking to you?
Joanne:
we used to have this fight each night!
Mark:
Calm down!
Joanne:
She'd never admit I existed.
Mark:
Everyone please!
Mimi:
He was the same way -
He was always
"run away - hit the road. don't commit"
You're full of shit
Joanne:
She's in denial!
Mimi: He's in denial!
Joanne:
Didn't give an inch when i gave a mile.
Mark:
Come on!
Mimi:
I gave a mile.
Roger:
Gave a mile to who?
Mark & Benny:
Come on guys chill!
Mimi & Joanne:
I'd be happy to die for a taste of what Angel had!
Someone to live for,
Unafraid to say "i love you"!
Roger:
All your words are nice Mimi,
But loves not a three way street.
you'll never share real love until you love your self,
I should know.
Collins:
You all said you'd be cool today
so please for my sake...
I cant believe he's gone.
I cant believe your going(to Roger.
I can't believe this family must die.
Angel helped us believe in love,
I can't believe you disagree...
All:
I cant believe this is good bye...
( Maureen and Joanne reconcile and go home. Collins returns to the funeral home. Mimi and Benny leave together. Roger and Mark are left alone.)
Mark:
I hear there are great resturants out west...
Roger:
Some of the best.
How could she?
Mark:
How could you let her go?
Roger:
You just don't know...
How could we lose Angel?
Mark:
Maybe you'll see why when you stop escaping your pain.
at least now if you try,
Angel's death wont be in vain...
Roger:
His death is in vain!
Mark:
Are you insane?
There's so much to care about
There's me...
There's Mimi...
Roger:
Mimi's got her baggage too.
Mark:
So do you.
Roger:
Who are you to tell me what I know.
What to do?
Mark:
A firend!
Roger:
But who Mark are you?
"Mark has got his work" ,
They say "Mark lives for his work",
And "Mark's in love with his work"...
Mark hides in his work!
Mark:
From what?
Roger:
From facing your failure,
Facing your loneliness,
Facing tha fact you live a lie.
Yes, you live a lie, tell you why...
You're always preaching not to be numb,
When that's how you thrive!
You pretened to create and observe,
When you really detache from feeling alive.
Mark:
Perhaps because I'm the one of us to survive.
Roger:
Poor baby!
Mark:
Mimi still loves Roger...
Is Roger really jealous,
or afraid that Mimi's weak?
Roger:
Mimi did look pale...
Mark:
Mimi's gotten thinm
Mimi's running out of time,
Roger's running out the door...
Roger:
No more!
Oh no!
I've gotta go...
Mark:
Hey!
For someone who's always been let down,
Who's heading out of town?
Roger:
For someone who long's for a community of his own,
who's with his camera, alone?
I'll call...
I hate the fall...
Rodger To Mimi:
You heard?
Mimi:
Every word
You don't want baggage,
Without lifetime guarantees...
You don't want to watch me die.
I just came to say...
Goodbye love.
Goodbye love.
Came to say goodbye love,
Goodbye.
Just came to say...
Roger:
Glory...
Mimi:
Goodbye love!
Roger:
One blaze of...
Mimi:
Goodbye love!
Roger:
Glory!
Mimi:
Goodbye love, goodbye.
Roger:
Have to find...
Mimi:
Please don't touch me,
Understand I'm scared.
I need to go away.
Mark:
I know a place, a clinic.
Benny:
A rehab?
Mimi:
Maybe...could you?
Benny:
I'll pay.
Mimi:
Goodbye love,
Goodbye love.
Came to say
Goodbye love, goodbye.
Just came to say.
Goodbye love!
Goodbye love!
Goodbye love!
goodbye love...
Hello...
Diesease...
For the record, i relate to Roger in this song. |
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| Seriously. Get the fuck out. |
[Apr. 24th, 2005|04:05 pm] |
| [ | We're Feeling |
| |  fuckin' pissed as shit. | ] |
| [ | Song Of The Moment |
| | Wait and fucking Bleed. | ] |
THIS IS FOR ANY OF YOU STUPID FUCKS WHO LIKE TO GIVE ME YOUR OPINIONS WHEN I DON'T WANT THEM. WHEN YOU'RE NOT EVEN INVOLVED IN SOMETHING.
FUCK OFF. YOU'RE JUST KIND OF ADDING TO A PROBLEM WHERE YOU'RE NOT WANTED. |
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| ... |
[Apr. 24th, 2005|02:00 pm] |
| [ | We're Feeling |
| |  annoyed | ] |
today i was supposed to hang out with either Jon, or Tom.
but i didn't.
Jon and i got into a fight last night. we're both jealous people. you kids can have him, because honestly i don't see what me talking to him does. he likes you all better, so disreguard where in his entry it says "if you know Cait, i can't talk to you anymore". because it's untrue. you can, but i'm not gonna.
i can't go over to Tom's house until i ask him if his parents are going to be home. my mom won;t take me. i don't know...i guess she thinkgs that i'm going to go over there and we're going to have wild Cait and Tom sex. *shrugs* untrusting wench. she asked me last night if he was my boyfriend, and when i said no, she didn't believe me.
whatever.
i'm kinda dissapointed with how today turned out. not to mention cold. it's cold outside, my hair's wet, i want to cry. yeah. not really haveing the greatest day.
nnaoJ...on erom |
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| Defy Gravity. |
[Apr. 23rd, 2005|10:39 pm] |
| [ | We're Feeling |
| |  busy | ] |
| [ | Song Of The Moment |
| | Defying Gravity - Wicked | ] |
last night i went to the Theatre Arts plays. they were both really good. *happy face* the pregnant chick in Baggage Claim was funny. haha. hmm...the second one was like...really good. it made me cry because of some of the things that they were talking about...yeah...really good.
anyway, i got home and then left to go to my Aunt Melanie's house. i made my dad listen to Wicked, adn he said that he liked it and said that i can go see it whenever i want. YES. *O R G A S M* so yeah. i got to my aunts and just watched some TV and read a few magizine articals and whatnot and then i went to beddy bye.
i woke up at 6:30 and showered and ate and then we left to go to the place where we were gonna get on the bus and i just listened to music and slept and stuff. haha i woke up just in time to see the bus passing the Days Inn that we stayed at for the New York Trip. OH THE MEMORIES! haha yeah. New York smells. hahah. uhh...we got there, adn got off the bus (the EXACT same place that they let us off for the Jap. Trip) then we got onto a taxi and went to the Metropolitan Museam of Art. on the wayt there, Taxi Driver was talking to us and told us that we should check out this other photography show called "Snow and Ashes" and whatmoght. the Diane Arbus exibit was long adn depressing, i didn't really like it. there were some cool pictures, but mostly not. i got a poster of "Albino Sword Swallowr" it's nice. yeah. then after we finished up at the museam, we went over to Madison Avenue and ate. then we were walking around for a bit and we just went into really expensice stores (there was a 3,000 dollar skirt...in my hands!) haha um...then we went to other expensive rich people places and then got into a taxi to go to The Nomadic Museam. it's a place that they make out of like...trash or something and that was really cool. the pictures on the inside were so beautiful, but it was miiiighty cold. doesn't matter, it was still awesome. yeeah.
then we got back in el taxi cabo and went...TO BROADWAY!!! *orgasm* yeah...we walked around a little bit and that was cool, then we decided to go to THE GERSHWIN THEATRE!!! omg i was so excited just to walk in there. i looked around ofr a bit and i was so cool, then i bought a shirt that says "Defy Gravity" gettimg that alone just made my day. i know, i'm a poser, i haven't even seen it yet but once the kids get the money i will! haha. then we went to a little irish pub and i walked in and the guy who was from Ireland and had the GREATEST MOST HOTTEST accent ever was like "what would you ladies like?" and i said root beer, adn he was like "can i see some ID?" with the look on his face like you wouldn't believe and i was like "ROOT BEER?!" qand i was really confused and then we just all started laughing. then i got some food, but ididn't dinish it all, and he came over adn was like "now you better finish that up!" so i ate some more., and i guess it doesn't really seem funny...but the way he said it and the look on his face was great. haha. um...then we went to Sait Peter's Cathedral and that was really pretty, and then to the Japanese Book Store ( I FOUND IT!!!) and i got the Japanese Slang book. heh.. then we went back to hte bus and i fell asleep and then my aut drove me home and here i am!
yeah. today was a good day....bye kids! |
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| and as they say, it's in your DNA...YOU'RE GAY! |
[Apr. 22nd, 2005|02:33 pm] |
| [ | We're Feeling |
| | crappy | ] |
| [ | Song Of The Moment |
| | Optimus Drinks His Cofffie Black - Acclaimed | ] |
s i didn't update yestready, so i'm goimgn to do that first.
school was alright. nothing special. i walked home with Miss Alexis and Lia Miller. coolness. we went over to Lia's house for a little bit and then started walking to Eckard and saw Ryan Berg at the corner (he was on his way to work) so we walked with him. then we got to Eckard and i got the poster that we needed for our english project. woo. then we went to Alexis' for a little bit and then i went with Lia Miller's house to eat some yummy ravioli's. yummy. haha as she and i were walking back to Alexis' house, we were talking about commercials and i said that i wanted a theme song, and then she was like "one day, i'm going to follow you around holding a boom box and play your theme song" haha so that made me chuckle. then we went over to East for Battle of the Bands, at fiiive o'clock. we thought it started at six, so it wasn't that bad. we just chizzzilled in East and we called a payphone on Lia's cell phne and Alexis and Lia had a "Sievers Watch" going. that was funny. we sat ouside for a little bit and then Lia, Monica and i went to roll down a hill. that was fun! hehe the wooooorld was spinning. yeah. and Alexis was freaking out because it was already six and people were probably alreathy there, so we went inside...and...NO ONE WAS THERE! haha. we asked what time it started and they us 7 so that was caaaarraaaazeee. we sat outside a bit and that blonde girl Sievers' likes was there, i have no real problem with her...but she gave us a really dirty look so that kinda pissed me off. *shrugs* Jon arrived, butthen left with Steve. this other kid was there too, Tom? maybe...i can't remember his name. then Fallon, Missy, Colin and Sonja got there and that was coool. Jon showed up again somewhere in there and i made him carry my backpack. woo.
then we went inside and Christine got there and i saw Tom and talked to other people adn all that jazz. when the forst band started playing though i started feeling kind of awkward. i reallt didn't know what to do because i don't think i was wanted anywhere, so i kinda got depressed. Martha showed up! yay! i met her little brother (who is my aunt...and yeah. soon after that awkward feeling came back and i got really depressed agoing. during Mundo Rojo i walked around with Pie/Tramp/Miss Popular/Liz soime. yay because i <3 her. then i wrent with Jon to see this kinda metal band and they were good. meeh. then some crappy band played, so i juts kinda sat down and it was at this time that i was reallllly depressed. i was just thinkning about a lot of different things and whatnot. yeah, so apparentyly my mood has a chain reaction on everyone else, so then i had to fake happy for a while. ^-^ Promise Of A Better Day was really good, i liked them. i think they shoulda won. (sorry Acclaimed/Accliamed fans!) then i went over and saw Accliamed and i was right behind the I <3 Sievers Club (who was right in from of Sievers) so that was really cool. they did a really good job. i'm quite fond of them. yeah.
after that i just kinda hung around with a bunch of people 'cause they started playing cards and Sonja and i braided Tom's DIRTY hair. hahahaa that was fun. then i went over to get Miss Lonnie's birthdy presant (Acclaimed Shirt) and Sievers gave me a freee sticker and some pins. then i went back over and talked to Tom and Sonja and Jon and Colin and whoever else for a little while. haha all night i had Jon's hat, and then he stole it bac from me and then threw it at Tom so i was chasing him around and then he threw it back at Jon, who threw it back at Tom and then a teacher yelled at me! BITCH!that made me want to like...cry. then we all went over to see Promise of a Better Day's other song, and that was good. pssssh. Tom came over and started tickeling me which is UNCOOL! haha he's really ticklish (more so than James i think, adn that's pretty damn ticklish) but he's all stonger than me and has long arms so yeah i didn't get him. *sad faaace* then Jon and Christine left and a few minutes later i left and my mom gave Mr. Tom a ride home. i did my omework and went to bed.
today was today. i was tired, had a headache, and was relaly depressed. i don't really want to go into it though..here anyway.
in English my group did our little presentation which i thought we failed, but we got a four on it. YESS. Laura's group did Salem Witch Trials, and she had a cool Witches hat tht she let me borrow all the reast of the day.
in gym i just started pretending to be "The Chenganator" and i have a spiffy little voice and noise for him that makes Fallon laugh. i can so Mrs. Tedi too.
i was walking back from Japanese to go to the lobby today, wearing the hat, and Olivia walks over to me adn was like staring at me and she goes "Cait...you are my God!!" it was sooo funny 'cause she said it kinda like a hippy, and it was out of no where..so that was great.
meh.
OHHH! I hope you do good at your show tonight, Tom!
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test |
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| my spleen/spline/splean is broken. |
[Apr. 20th, 2005|02:37 pm] |
| [ | We're Feeling |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | Song Of The Moment |
| | if you wanna die in bed - Miss Saigon | ] |
today was okay. in the morning i kinda just wanted to cry because of a lot of the stuff i was thinking about from last night. oh well. as the day progresed i started feeling better. in History and Math i didn't do much of anything, and in Foods we did a worksheet. i watched Eric draw this crazy hippo with wings and poka dots. haha yeah.
at lunch we ate outside and partied. fun. i waslk talking to Jackie about Wicked (if you wanna come with us, it's $100) and sge said she would start a fund in a cup...so i went nad got a cup adn danced if people gave us money. problem was, no one had spare change. hahahha.
sorry, but i really can't type now.
in English my group went down the the libray. Jakie and Christine came too..though my group didn't g et much donw i don't think becayse Lia and i were doing research which he can't do because Sievers was there and he was kinda throwing off her concentration because ofher fancy for him. *shrugs* i have to to the outline tonight. in gym i walked some for l=my laps and then i ran a little. since i ran, i think i like...sprained my spleen or something becayse it really hurts when i walk. like..a lot. makes me wanna cry. in earthandspace we didn't do anything. shocker. and in Japanees G-S was there, but we got to leave and go to the cafeteria. Kelli and i just ended up doing to papaer kind wrong and then talking to Mrs. F for a while. i decided that i was going to go to D&D and hang out for a while...
in the lobby i saw Steve and MallSteve!!! heh i just saw them firday but it was still cool to see them again. so yeah, everyone mobbed Steve adn gave him oodles of hugs and then i got a ride homw with him because as i was about to leave for D&D i realzided how much homework i actually have...so that sucks. yeah. got a ride home and here i am.
have a lovely day.
i need a nap, because i strained a vital organ. |
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|
| .... |
[Apr. 19th, 2005|10:45 pm] |
alright i don't know what i'm going to do. i knnow what the general opinion would probably be but i just don't know what I have to do. i know. it sounds selfish but i am selfish. i don't know what to do.
i don't know what i'm going to do.
i think i know...but like...i'm no tsure.
no i don't. i'm lost here.
i really love this picture. funny story behind it, plus i think it's pretty.
 |
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| i know they're crappy, whatever. |
[Apr. 19th, 2005|05:41 pm] |
I'm looking from the inside out. What can I do? I'm seeing such a tiny bit of "The Big Picture" so what can I do? How can I fix or help anyone? How can I pretend to have any perspective on anything if this is all I can see? I have absolutely no control over anything. I can't help anyone, in fact, lately I just seem to be adding to the problems...
So as the pictures tell, you can only see what is there in so many different ways. You can't see "The Big Picture", because you can only see a very small picture. All I know is what is right outside my bedroom window.
One day I'm going to travel the world. One day I will see The Big Picture. The Small Picture isin't enough for me. |
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